Hoe echte mannen praten

In Gran Tori­no speelt Clint East­wood met over­tuig­ing een ‘grumpy old man’. De film begint met de begrafe­nis van zijn vrouw, en het wordt al snel duidelijk dat Clint (Walt Kowal­s­ki) niets moet hebben van zijn fam­i­lie. Alleen bli­jft hij achter in een ver­vallen stadswijk waar voor­namelijk Azi­at­en wonen. Alle­maal splee­to­gen die hon­den eten, vol­gens Walt. Gaan­deweg de film ont­fermt hij zich toch over een buur­jon­gen die her­haaldelijk gepest wordt door een van de ben­des die de wijk ter­roris­eren. In een poging om van de timide jon­gen (Tao, oftewel Toad vol­gens Walt) een echte man te mak­en, neemt Walt hem mee naar de plaat­selijke kap­per­sza­ak.

Om te leren hoe echte man­nen met elka­ar prat­en. En ontspint zich de vol­gende hilar­ische scene:

Walt and Tao walk up to the bar­ber­shop.
WALT You have to learn how guys talk. Now watch how me and Mar­tin com­mu­ni­cate. We just throw it back and forth. You ready?
TAO Sure.
WALT Okay, let’s go in.
Walt holds the door for Tao and they enter. The Bar­ber has his feet up read­ing a Play­boy.
BARBER Oh great, a Pol­lack and a chink.
WALT After­noon, Mar­tin, you dumb Ital­ian prick.
BARBER Walt, you cheap ass­hole, I should have known you’d come in, I was hav­ing such a pleas­ant day.
WALT Why, did you jew some blind man out of a few bucks, give him the wrong change?
Walt and the Bar­ber shake hands warm­ly. Tao is wide-eyed.
BARBER Who’s the Nip?
WALT This is Tao. He’s a pussy kid who lives next door and I’m try­ing to man him up a lit­tle.
Walt points at Tao.
WALT Did you see? That’s how men talk to each oth­er.
TAO They do?
BARBER What, do you have shit in your ears?
WALT Okay. You go out, come back in and give it a try.
TAO Come on, Walt.
WALT I said go out there, come back in and talk to the bar­ber like a man. Do it.
Tao shrugs, goes out­side, lets the door shut then comes back in. The Bar­ber stands there with a sneer on his face.
TAO Wus up, you old Ital­ian prick?
The Bar­ber lev­els a sawed-off shot­gun at Tao.
BARBER Get out­ta my shop before I blow your head off, you long-haired fag­gy lit­tle gook!
Tao is ter­ri­fied, frozen stiff. Walt and the Bar­ber throw their heads back and laugh. The Bar­ber low­ers the shot­gun.
WALT Jesus Christ, Toad, you don’t walk in and insult a guy. What are you, an idiot?
TAO But… but that’s what you said. That’s what you said men say.
WALT Not if you nev­er met the guy. If you say that shit to the wrong stranger, they’ll blow your god­damned gook head off!
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh again.
TAO What should I have said?
WALT Any­thing but that.
BARBER Kid, you shoul­da just start­ed with ‘Hi’ or ‘Hel­lo.’
WALT Right. You should have said, ‘Excuse me, I’m look­ing for a hair­cut if you have time.’
BARBER Yeah. Be polite, but don’t kiss ass.
WALT Or, even bet­ter is act like you just got off a con­struc­tion job. Or bitch about your girl­friend or get­ting your car fixed.
BARBER Right. Son of a bitch, I just got my brakes fixed and those sons a bitch­es real­ly nailed me. Screwed me right in the ass.
WALT Exact­ly. Don’t swear at the guy you’re talk­ing to, swear about anoth­er guy who ain’t there. My son of a bitch prick fuck­ing boss made me work over­time and he knew I had bowl­ing tonight.
BARBER Or, my old lady bitch­es to me for two fuck­ing hours about how they don’t take expired coupons at the gro­cery store and the minute I turn on the god­damned game, she starts cry­ing how we nev­er talk.
WALT See? You come back in, Toad. Be polite and then you bring up some­thing you can both talk about. It ain’t rock­et sci­ence.
TAO Yeah, but I don’t have a job or a car or a girl­friend.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh.
BARBER Sweet Jesus, I shoul­da blown his head off when I had the chance.
WALT Just go back out­side and try it again. And don’t men­tion you’re a pussy with no car, girl, job, future or what­ev­er. Come in and act like a man, Toad.
Tao goes out, turns around and comes back in.
TAO Excuse me, sir, I need a hair­cut, if you ain’t too busy… you Ital­ian son-of-a-bitch prick bar­ber.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh.
TAO Boy does my ass hurt from all the guys at my con­struc­tion job.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh hard­er.

~ ~ ~


(all tags)