Hoe echte mannen praten

In Gran Tori­no speelt Clint East­wood met over­tui­ging een ‘grum­py old man’. De film begint met de begra­fe­nis van zijn vrouw, en het wordt al snel dui­de­lijk dat Clint (Walt Kowal­ski) niets moet heb­ben van zijn fami­lie. Alleen blijft hij ach­ter in een ver­val­len stads­wijk waar voor­na­me­lijk Azi­a­ten wonen. Alle­maal spleet­ogen die hon­den eten, vol­gens Walt. Gaan­de­weg de film ont­fermt hij zich toch over een buur­jon­gen die her­haal­de­lijk gepest wordt door een van de ben­des die de wijk ter­ro­ri­se­ren. In een poging om van de timi­de jon­gen (Tao, ofte­wel Toad vol­gens Walt) een ech­te man te maken, neemt Walt hem mee naar de plaat­se­lij­ke kap­pers­zaak.

Om te leren hoe ech­te man­nen met elkaar pra­ten. En ont­spint zich de vol­gen­de hila­ri­sche sce­ne:

Walt and Tao walk up to the bar­ber­shop.
WALT You have to learn how guys talk. Now watch how me and Mar­tin com­mu­ni­ca­te. We just throw it back and forth. You rea­dy?
TAO Sure.
WALT Okay, let’s go in.
Walt holds the door for Tao and they enter. The Bar­ber has his feet up rea­ding a Play­boy.
BARBER Oh gre­at, a Pol­lack and a chink.
WALT After­noon, Mar­tin, you dumb Ita­li­an prick.
BARBER Walt, you che­ap assho­le, I should have known you’d come in, I was having such a pleasant day.
WALT Why, did you jew some blind man out of a few bucks, give him the wrong chan­ge?
Walt and the Bar­ber sha­ke hands warm­ly. Tao is wide-eyed.
BARBER Who’s the Nip?
WALT This is Tao. He’s a pus­sy kid who lives next door and I’m trying to man him up a litt­le.
Walt points at Tao.
WALT Did you see? That’s how men talk to each other.
TAO They do?
BARBER What, do you have shit in your ears?
WALT Okay. You go out, come back in and give it a try.
TAO Come on, Walt.
WALT I said go out the­re, come back in and talk to the bar­ber like a man. Do it.
Tao shrugs, goes out­si­de, lets the door shut then comes back in. The Bar­ber stands the­re with a sneer on his face.
TAO Wus up, you old Ita­li­an prick?
The Bar­ber levels a sawed-off shot­gun at Tao.
BARBER Get out­ta my shop befo­re I blow your head off, you long-hai­red fag­gy litt­le gook!
Tao is ter­ri­fied, fro­zen stiff. Walt and the Bar­ber throw their heads back and laugh. The Bar­ber lowers the shot­gun.
WALT Jes­us Christ, Toad, you don’t walk in and insult a guy. What are you, an idi­ot?
TAO But… but that’s what you said. That’s what you said men say.
WALT Not if you never met the guy. If you say that shit to the wrong stran­ger, they’ll blow your god­dam­ned gook head off!
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh again.
TAO What should I have said?
WALT Any­thing but that.
BARBER Kid, you shoulda just star­ted with ‘Hi’ or ‘Hel­lo.’
WALT Right. You should have said, ‘Excu­se me, I’m loo­king for a hair­cut if you have time.’
BARBER Yeah. Be poli­te, but don’t kiss ass.
WALT Or, even bet­ter is act like you just got off a con­struc­ti­on job. Or bitch about your gir­lfriend or get­ting your car fixed.
BARBER Right. Son of a bitch, I just got my bra­kes fixed and tho­se sons a bit­ches real­ly nai­led me. Scre­wed me right in the ass.
WALT Exact­ly. Don’t swear at the guy you’re tal­king to, swear about ano­ther guy who ain’t the­re. My son of a bitch prick fuc­king boss made me work over­ti­me and he knew I had bow­ling tonight.
BARBER Or, my old lady bit­ches to me for two fuc­king hours about how they don’t take expi­red cou­pons at the gro­cery sto­re and the minu­te I turn on the god­dam­ned game, she starts crying how we never talk.
WALT See? You come back in, Toad. Be poli­te and then you bring up some­thing you can both talk about. It ain’t roc­ket sci­en­ce.
TAO Yeah, but I don’t have a job or a car or a gir­lfriend.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh.
BARBER Sweet Jes­us, I shoulda blown his head off when I had the chan­ce.
WALT Just go back out­si­de and try it again. And don’t men­ti­on you’re a pus­sy with no car, girl, job, futu­re or wha­te­ver. Come in and act like a man, Toad.
Tao goes out, turns around and comes back in.
TAO Excu­se me, sir, I need a hair­cut, if you ain’t too busy… you Ita­li­an son-of-a-bitch prick bar­ber.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh.
TAO Boy does my ass hurt from all the guys at my con­struc­ti­on job.
Walt and the Bar­ber laugh har­der.

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Iede­re tijd haar eigen mis­da­di­ger
Oskar en Eli